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Archive for April 21st, 2010

Enough

I would like to just say yes more often, to give in when my three-year-old wants a sweet treat before dinner. I would like to give up the fight when he doesn’t want to take a nap.  I would like to not argue with my teenage son about why he can’t just get a ride to some party at some person’s house.  I would like to not argue with my daughter over the importance of studying.  I would like to not argue about anything.  I would love to have a couple of maids to make their beds and wash their laundry and do the other chores that are on their list.  It would be so much easier if I didn’t have to argue my way through a day.  At the end of the day, when I sit down to read, I might not fall asleep from exhaustion.  During the day, I might be more free to do things I would like to do.  But I am not a mom who backs down.  I am a mom who believes that it is my job to mold my children as they grow.  It takes a lot of energy.  It makes me very unpopular most days but in the end, I have to believe, they will be stronger for it.

I tell myself this a lot. I especially tell myself this the morning after my three-year-old has told me that I am the meanest mommy ever and after my sixteen-year-old has told me it is completely and totally my fault he doesn’t have a social life.  And, most of the time I believe it.

Though I am the first person to tell you that being a mom is the best part of my life, that holding one of my children in my arms is all that I really need to make me happy, I am also the first one to admit it is hard work.  It is hard work sticking to my convictions about what will help them the most in the future.  I watch other parents and see plenty of them raising their children in other ways and their children are just fine.  Maybe I should bend.  It is hard knowing who is right and I often wonder if any of us is right or whether we are all just guessing.

The thing I tell myself most often though, the thing I remind of my children most often, is that everything I do, every rule I set, every restriction I make, I do for them.  I do it all because I truly believe these small sacrifices they make now, these small lessons, will mold them into better adults.

I don’t know if I am right and there are many nights when I lie in the bed wondering whether I AM the worse mom in the world.  There are many nights when I question my decisions.  But I am a mom and I have set myself on a path to raise my children to be responsible, to be independent and healthy.  This is the best I can do.  It is all I have to offer. Hopefully, it is enough.

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